Unlovable?

Why didn’t they stay?
Did they ever love me?
Was everything a lie?
How did I allow myself to be a fool?
Why didn’t I see it coming?
Was I just not good enough?
Those late night talks … Multiple outings … The words and touches of affection …They meant nothing at the end …
And you just keep wondering why things turned out the way they did …
Why did they leave you?
Why did they break their promises?
Why did they not love you enough to stay?
Before you start to dig deeper …
Replaying every conversation you’ve ever had …
Every touch and hug that you’ve ever exchanged …
Every single thing that essentially transpired between you two before you settle on one thing …
The very one thing that could’ve made them disappear like a bandit from your life …
You weep with sorrow at the new conclusion you’ve found that it was you that had driven them away …
It was you who wasn’t good enough,
Smart enough,
Pretty/handsome enough,
Thin enough,
Rich enough,
Charismatic enough,
Talented enough,
Attentive enough …
And you beat yourself up mentally and emotionally as more memories pour in to ‘support’ your sudden epiphany …
You wallow away for however long, replaying every scenario where you were inadequate … Causing more tears to add to the ocean of despair that you’re drowning yourself in …
Until one day, you stop. You finally stop indulging in the memories that haunted you for so long, mocking you with every single one of your flaws that caused them to leave you …
And you get up, brushing off any tinge of darkness clinging onto you to do the one thing you never thought you would do without them – live …
With a renewed fire in your soul and a sparkle in your eye, you live …
You go to that Broadway show you always wanted to go …
You travel the world …
You chase your dreams of becoming an actor/actress or whatever …
You treat yourself to things that you’ve never had before …
And you grow. You grow and grow until those memories become a fog and a new realization settles in …
That it wasn’t you …
That you are not lovable …
That you are much more worthy than you previously thought …
That you are enough …
That, even though you’ve got your heartbroken by whoever, you’re still essentially you and you are the best gift to yourself ever.
That your kindness was not a weakness!
That being and loving yourself was all you needed instead of being lost inside of the ideal that you thought was supposed to be you months ago …
So yes, love yourself and be you …
You are forever capable of being loved and loving others no matter how many times you are blindsided,
You are very much lovable and essentially you …

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